What If?
by ShadowSoulN7
Summary: Kathrine has a nightmare, the night that her mother died. She wakes up, and finds comfort in her lover's arms after questioning what if things had been different. LadyHawkeXFenris


_"Mother," Kathrine whimpered, trying to blink back her tears. "Mother, I'm so sorry."_

_"Don't be, Katie, it's not your fault." Leandra assured, lifting a hand to touch her daughter's cheek. Kathrine couldn't take it anymore, her tears streamed down her face and mixed with the blood splattered on her skin._

_"It is, mother. If I had been faster..." she trailed off, unable to continue. Leandra's expression softened._

_"Just take care of Bethany." she told her, hand falling from Kathrine's face and her eyes drifting close._

_"Mother!" the rogue screamed, voice still soft. Kathrine hugged Leandra close to her. Her mother was limp and cold, so dead that it hurt._

-x-x-x-

Kathrine sat up, bolt-straight, her mind reeling and her lungs wanting to yell. It had been years since her mother had died, how could she still be having nightmares?

Cerberus padded into the room and looked at her, eyes wide. He whimpered a bit and laid down in front of her fireplace.

"Why?" she muttered.

"Kat?" a familiar voice snapped her back to her the present. She twisted to face the elf and tried to give him a small smile.

"Yeah, Fenris?" she asked, she looked at his green eyes, they glimmered with concern.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I...yes." she admitted, propping herself up on her forearms. "It's...my mother. I remember her death so clearly, I remember the promise I made her, the chill of her skin, the emptiness of her eyes and voice, the pity I got from others. It all reminds me of father, and of Caver. How they died, on my account.

If I had been there for father, if I had been in Carver's place...they wouldn't be dead!" she said, hands tightening into fists as she spoke each word. "I know, if I had done things differently, my family would still be here, and Bethany would be free."

"If they had lived, wouldn't you be dead?" he questioned her. Kathrine turned to the elf, anger fading when she saw pity and sadness in his eyes.

"I would be, but mother and father wanted to see us get older and see how we turn out, while Carver was so young. I...I was his older sister, I would have risked my life for my family." she whispered, tears streaming her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I...it may have been years ago, I just...I feel so...empty. My sister joined the Circle, my parents and brother are dead, my uncle is a good-for-nothing scum...I'm utterly alone."

"I could say the same for myself," he agreed, expression softening. "But it was you who told me I wasn't alone, that I had you. So doesn't that mean you have me?"

"Yes, that's true. I never thought of it that way, I'm...sorry, Fenris, I...I just wonder if things had been different, what if it was I who had magic instead of Bethany? What if she was dead? What if I could have saved mother? What if the Arishok had killed me? There are so many variables in life. What if you had no markings? What if you were never a slave? How much of this life would have changed?"

"Everything."

"Right, everything would. If I was a mage, I'd be the one running from Templars. If Bethany was dead, Carver might have lived, or they'd both be dead. If I could have saved my mother, that night that you came to try and console me wouldn't have happened, If the Arishok had killed me, I'd just be dead, a whispered name." she paused. "If you had no markings, you'd still be a slave. If you were never a slave, you'd be with your family." she continued. "The worst of all of this is that we never would have met or we would have been separated. I don't know if I could bear that."

Kathrine was swept up in her words, she hadn't notice him move and reach out to hold her close. She closed her eyes and pressed herself to his bare chest, letting the beat of his heart relax her frazzled nerves.

"Somehow, I always end up in your arms when I'm upset, don't I, Fenris?" she murmured. It was silent except for the sound of flickering flames in the fireplace.


End file.
